The Advice shared by A Father Which Rescued Me as a New Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

However the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - spending a short trip abroad, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."